similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
