I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
