Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
