when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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