and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
