your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
