You can't special order awesome
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
