who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
