As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
