Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
