today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
