You work out of a Hotel?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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