So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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