im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
