forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Green mimosas i think yes
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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