party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I will pee on everything he values.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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