flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
