Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
