I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
