My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Did I show you my penis last night?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
