i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
