I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
