you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
