ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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