Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
