Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
