having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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