Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize