I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
