No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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