After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
