watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
