My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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