It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
