I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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