So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
