Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
