just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
