I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
