that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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