Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I smell stomach acid.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
