You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
