I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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