I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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