You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
