That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize