you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
