i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
