Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
