then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
