Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
