So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
