i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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