I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
