Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
