Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
