Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
