This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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