i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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