i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
