Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
