i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
