sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
