So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
