Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
