it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
