so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
