After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
