I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
