i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
