Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
