your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
