Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
