Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I lost the right to judge tonight
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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