Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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