So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
