new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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